Well, the day is almost here. Tomorrow (Thursday 9/9/10) we finally get to meet our twin boys. The emotions felt right now are the most conflicting emotions I've ever felt. It truly is a roller coaster ride. My stomach is in knots, then the butterflies start fluttering, then the nausea sets in, depression taunts me for a while (mainly from the worry of possibly not being a good enough daddy)... Then, as if by the miracle of divine intervention, it all vanishes in the blink of an eye and the happiness, elation, joy, happy tears and pride floods this 240 pound body.
Then... it all starts over and continues the aforementioned emotional thrill ride. "Nothing can prepare you..." is right. No one told me that the pre-birth jitters would hit like this.No one clued me in to what all I'd feel in the few days before the big event. Not one, single, solitary soul offered an ounce in information in regards to how I should go about handling this unmentioned, yet apparently inevitable, sensory overload.
We visited and had dinner with my family tonight and before going out to eat, mom asked me what was wrong. She immediately concluded that I was tired - and I quickly agreed since she gave me an instant 'out.' The truth is, I'm scared to death. I took the 'out' so I wouldn't have to show my fear. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy and extremely excited about my twin sons' arrival, but at the same time I have no idea what to do when they get here... Will I teach by example? Will I be a good enough daddy? Will I do right by them?
I do know one thing for absolute certainty. I will not... I repeat, I will NOT be an absent father like my biological father. I will teach my boys how to be men by parenting in the exact opposite way that that man did. The details are possibly for another post at a much later date... Long story short... I will model my parenting after two people...
#1. Bill Cosby. Sure, you laugh now, but watch a few episodes of The Cosby Show and tell me he wasn't a great father.
#2. Terry Richardson. He married my mother when I was 12. It took me a while to realize it during my adolescent years, but after growing up I came to the conclusion that he is a father. He raised us and taught us. He taught by example. I know how to be and act like a man because of him. And since I've been an adult we've became best of friends. Having a father that is also your friend is priceless. I know I can be that for my sons. And without Terry I wouldn't have had a clue. For a little more insight, go listen to "He Didn't Have to Be" by Brad Paisley. Great song...
I know I'll (we'll) make mistakes along the way just like every other parent does. But it really is a legitimate fear. I know I shouldn't let it bother me as much as it does. And from this moment forward I'm really going to try and get over it and just let nature take its course.
-------------------- Miranda has done a wonderful job incubating these little rascals. As of today she is 36 weeks 1 day pregnant. No one thought she'd make it to 34 weeks when she dilated to 3cm at 30 weeks. But by the grace of God (and a little help from 8-a-day Brethine tablets) she made it. And then she was determined to go the extra mile - which she has.
The doctor has been very pleased throughout this pregnancy and has green-lighted a C-section to take place tomorrow at 9am. Miranda, although having gone that extra mile, is exhausted. We both love seeing them move and feeling them move (the hiccups and full body rolls are the best!) but she says "It is SO time for them to come out!" I know I can't fully understand, but from observing her the past month I can see that she has physically declined at a pretty steady pace. She's healthy, mind you - I mean walking around, moving in bed, heartburn, etc... it has really gotten to her and worn her down. So if delivering these children 3 weeks early will help her and since they will be completely capable of out-of-the-womb life, I'm all for it. ---------------------- So... This will be my last post until at least Thursday evening... maybe a day or two longer. It all depends on how busy everything is, how the boys and Miranda are doing, and, of course, the speed of the hospital WiFi connection. :)
Please pray for us and our boys. Please pray that Miranda has a 100% safe and uncomplicated C-section and that the boys are healthy. Please do not pray for me at this time. I'm good. I can take care of my emotions. Those, come Thursday morning, will be the very last thing on Earth I will be thinking about. I will be in 'pray for Miranda and the boys' mode and I ask that you be as well. I want nothing more than to be able to come home from the hospital with two healthy sons and a wife who is recovering satisfactorily from the C-section. Pictures coming in a few days... how EXCITING!! Comments Are Always Welcome! Click Below to Do So!!
